What GLEE Means To a "Loser Like Me".

In light of the tragic, untimely death of Cory Montieth, I'm not really sure how to begin this post because my heart is so heavy. So, I'll start by saying, "I love Glee." Never have I ever related to a television show on such a personal level. Growing up, like most of us and like The New Directions, I experienced my fair share of bullying for many reasons. I had braces. I was flat chested. I liked the Powerpuff Girls. I wore summer dresses with combat boots. At one point in the 6th grade, I attempted to trim my Peter Gallagher esque eyebrows... with a razor... and ended up with two Hitler mustaches on my face. Yeah, I was f***ing awkward and kids were not shy about letting me know. It sucked.

When I hit high school I started with a clean slate. My mom taught me how to pluck my eyebrows like a normal person. I learned how to use make-up and I developed a sense of style that worked for me. I remember on my very first day, freshman year, I thought from then on, it was all going to be different. I dressed to the nines, straightened my frizzy hair, and held my head high. This was it. As I made my way to my first class, my heart raced with anxiety and fear but I put one foot in front of the other and- FACE PLANT. Oh my sweet Jesus, NO. I tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and fell flat on my face. My books went into the air, my cute-but-not-so-practical messenger bag flew feet away from me, blood was trickling down my leg because I scraped my knee and all I could hear as I lifted my head were the indulgent cackles of everyone who saw it... and there were many. I remember vividly some shameless bitch even pointing at me, mouth agape just rolling like a hyena. Nobody helped me. They all just stared and laughed and I had never felt... so... alone.

Help... me.

It took me a bit to figure myself out in high school. There were good times and bad. I made friends. I lost friends. Boys happened. I was put in a "Burn Book". My parents divorced. People died. The road through adolescence isn't easy for anyone but luckily, I had something that I loved that I could lean on. Something I was so passionate about and something I was good at. Something that made the angsty, hormone driven roller coaster that was high school a lot less difficult. That, my friends, was choir.

Ever since I could speak, I could sing. I loved to perform, anything and everything. My mom has home videos of a pint sized me making up my own commercials complete with their own jingles or singing along with "The Little Mermaid" with my eyes closed using Mariah Carey hand gestures. When I sing, I feel invincible. I feel alive. I feel myself.

Other people who love to perform will tell you that it's a form of therapy and that couldn't be more true. Us choir kids deal with life by singing about it whether it's on a stage or alone in our bedrooms. It's a release and it feels good. To this day, if I'm feeling sad or angry, it's nothing that can't be fixed by turning up Carrie Underwood's "So Small" as loud as it will go and belting it all at the top of my lungs, arms stretched wide, shaking my head, stamping my feet because damnit, I am in it right now. 

To the general public, this may be socially unacceptable but the choir room was a place that made that okay. In the choir room, there were kids like me. Kids that expressed themselves through music. My teacher, Mr. Jomisko (my very own Mr. Shue), expressed himself through music and encouraged us all. He believed in us as a group and he changed my life by believing in me as an individual. Like The New Directions, we had a sense of family and a teacher who genuinely cared.

The Chantuers, Southeast High 2007 

These girls, this room, that man, and the piano you cannot see... whether they know it or not, they got me through some pretty rough times in my life just by singing with me. This is why I watch Glee. I know what it feels like to be the outcast... but it's not so hard if you have a place to call home.

I want to wrap this up with Finn's Harlem Shake scene because it makes me smile as Cory's character so often did. Perhaps a post with my favorite Finn Hudson moments is in the near future. We'll save that for another day. 

Rest peacfully, Finn Hudson. You are so very missed.