First Haircut Fail

My kid needs a haircut. She looks like a shaggy, little pooch and it's getting to the point of ridiculousness. Here's the problem. How am I supposed to administer a haircut to a child who will not sit still for anything? I mean A-N-Y-THING. Virtually all tasks of hygienic nature leading up to this moment have been a battle. I have the scars. They're emotional but... I digress. Whether it's brushing her teeth, brushing her hair, clipping her nails, cleaning her ears, at one time in her short life I have had to hold her hostage to do any of it (wrapping my legs around her, so she couldn't escape). For some of these things that is still entirely necessary. Maybe it's the Irish in her, I don't know, but I have to scoff at the mere thought of my child sitting still when a sharp pair of scissors approaches her face. Pfffft. Yeah, okay.

OMG, Layla Raine, those bangs...

I have tried other alternatives! I have tried putting it in a ponytail and it looks ADORE-able but her first ponytail lasted all of 7 minutes and ever since then, when she sees me pull out the hair tie, she runs like Forrest Gump and I don't know why. The first ponytail was not a bad experience. There were no ouchies. It was 1-2-3, done. For the first 6 minutes she wasn't even aware of what I did. I have also tried clips and barrettes. I could have the stealthiest hand possible. She won't even know it's there but as soon as she sees herself in a mirror, that sucker is coming out. "Sorry, mom. I simply do not care that you've been dreaming of the day you'd be able to do your precious baby girl's hair in pigtails since you were wearing them yourself nor do I care that you can no longer see my eyes."

I attempted to cut her bangs in her sleep last night. I had this whole covert operation planned out. It was brilliant. I waited and waited... and waited for her to finally konk out cold. I grabbed my scissors, wet my hairbrush and was ready for action. I tip-toed all ninja-like into her room and there she was lying face up. PERFECT! This would be easy. With a light, steady hand I went to portion out a section of hair. My finger touched her face and BOOM, mini-sleep freak out. Her arms did that thing where they flail aimlessly and they don't know where they're going, just whatever is happening make it stop. Mission aborted. 

 So, much for that.

So, I guess I can just add this to the list of "Things I Can't Do Until She's 30 and Knows What's Good For Her."